Monday, May 3, 2010

My testimony

I was borne a Buddhist leading a faithful and righteous life because I'm afraid of death and going to hell. I knew that death is inevitable and I really hope that there is God and heaven exist. Since young, the only religion that I practiced is Buddhism and Christianity is just another class of religion (something like branded goods).

My exposure to Christianity started during my secondary school at the age of 12/13 when I was invited by my form teacher to a Youth for Christ group. This was when I was shared on the true knowledge of Christianity: Sin and Jesus Christ.

At that age, I believe that all religion preaches the truth that the religion believes in.

I've got no doubts that whatever I've heard of about Buddhism and Christianity was the truth that was shared to me.

Though I was young, my mind was driven by logic as Mathematics was my best subject then. It was very clear to me then that whatever that was taught about Christianity provides no allowance for the route to heaven. Buddhism never tell me that Christian cannot go to heaven as they still got other live to work on to reach heaven. This current live also doesn't guarantee my ticket to heaven. Christianity however tells me that my choice is my only chance to Heaven or to eternal Hell with no return at all.

While Christianity is the only wise choice logically, it was a great struggle for me. Back in home, I've heard lots of conversation between my parents about their view of Christianity. Their view of Christianity was indeed very bad and I've heard of Christian doing lots of stupid things through their stubborn faith that eventually cost a life. I knew for sure that if I were to be a Christian, there will be hell in my family.

I love my mom and dad and the thought that becoming a Christian will destroy my relationship with them is very frightening. It was OK for me to go to hell after death as long as my parents still love me. But then a fearful thought came to my mind, i.e my parents will go to hell after death because we are not Christian. I do not want this to happen. I can't bear to see my parents going to hell. I want to be a Christian and I want my parents to be Christian too.

I think I said the sinner's prayer secretly and prayed for my parents. Though my choice was clear, I was still very confuse.

Year by year passes and my religion has been a struggle. When I fill up forms that asked for religion, I always struggled between Buddhism and Christian. When the form is one that my parents may have chance to see it, I'll put down Buddhism to play safe. Sometimes, I either tell people that I'm a Christian who does not go to church, or I believe in Jesus Christ but not in Christianity.

Believe in Jesus Christ but not in Christianity??? Yes, this was true for me for a very long time as I grew older. As I understand more about the world, Christians becomes those people whom I do not wish to be associated with. But at the same time, I could not deny Jesus Christ. Buddhism to me is just a teaching but not a religion and all other religion are just man made.

Therefore, I embrace all knowledge that teaches me to be good, but ironically, I believe in Jesus Christ but do not read the bible or attempt to learn about Christianity. Most of the teachings that I embraced comes from Buddhism. To me, these teachings make me a better person.

I grew in wisdom and advanced in career. Every problem that I faced has a solution. I've got very good sense of black & white, good & bad. Of course, I'll always choose the white and good. But I'm human and as long as I can justify to myself, I can also accept things that are bad. There's a saying "男人不坏,女人不爱", so long as it does not harm others.

There will always be a limit as to how much a man can do, especially when it comes to relationship. A setback in relationship is a wakening call to me. No matter how wise I am or how righteous I am, there are many things that I don't have control over.

There is no one on in the world whom you can trust fully, not even yourselves. In life, one will have to face situation to forgo righteous to solve a problem. Wise people who do not believe in God will eventually have to forgo righteousness and still able to justify that the act does not "harm" anyone.

I became enlightened at that very moment in my struggle. I made a firm decision to start to go to Church because only God has the ruler to measure every act in the world. I was skeptical about Christians, but I've forgotten that Christians are not God.

There are many Christians in the world who offers bad testimony through their way of life, but it is very clear to me that God's word is the only truth that I've been seeking in my life. Pastor Ong's sharing of God's word is very enlightening during the period that I was struggling. The only way I can really digest the words from God is by going to Church. Reading bible by myself does not bring much understanding.

Ever since I've made my commitment to attend church and study the words of God, my view of what I see in the world and people has changed totally. I appreciate the problems that I see in the world with much more in-depth understanding.

My worries are lesser because I can leave most of them to God. Still learning how to leave all my worries to God though. Many miracles start to happen in my life when I started praying. I experience many prayers being answered on things that I've totally no controls over. Every time when I need God badly, the prayers are always answered. I cannot attribute that to luck or coincidence as luck and coincidence is not there all the time. However, I also acknowledge that there may be possibilities the story of Job may happen in my life, but I know that God is in control and he love us and will not harm us.

I have always been ready for baptism, but I've always thought that Baptism is just a ritual and can do without. To appreciate the words of God and to lead a life that is Christ like is more important.

The baptism preparation class has taught me otherwise. Going through baptism gives the ownership of my life to God and not to Sin (Freed from SIN). I've previously misunderstood “Freed from SIN” with "Free from SIN" as being the same. Now I've fully appreciate what is "Freed from SIN" and today I'm really excited to be baptized.